Patricia STONE Obituary

For Mum.
Good afternoon,

Thank you all for coming to celebrate the life of Pat.

For those who don´t know me, I am Matthew, Pat´s second son. I realised as I set about this task, that a son sees his mother in a different context than those of you who are lifelong friends. It is even difficult to speak on behalf of Tom and Howard, but I will try to represent the shared feelings of love, devotion, and admiration we all felt towards Mum.

Pat would be both grateful and incredibly embarrassed to see you all here today to honour her. Grateful because it was her family and friends who were the most important focus of her life; embarrassed because she never liked anyone making a fuss about her. She was always focused on others. She was always focused on her three boys.

Everyone in this room has people that you care about, but if I asked you to explain why, you would struggle like I did when trying to write this. Trying to sum up someone´s life, someone who although short in stature, left an incredible imprint on our hearts is almost an impossible task. The only lesson I learned through all of this is that, in the end, it is all about the little things - the inside jokes, the laughter, and the thousands of little acts of kindness, that bind you to someone - whether that is a spouse, a parent, a sister, or a dear, dear, friend.

Speaking to Tom about mum, one of the earliest memories he had was when he first started school.
While everyone else would have a lunch packed in the morning, Tom would have a piping hot home-cooked lunch delivered by mum. This might seem like a strange example to provide, but Tom put it quite succinctly - even then, he knew he was incredibly loved.

Those are my memories too. I remember her coming along to nearly every cricket game we ever played, even though objectively we weren´t very good. I remember her endless patience in teaching me how to read, until I finally got it; and her endless patience with the fact that Tom and Howard never did!

I remember her supressed laughter when the three of us would egg each other on at the kitchen table, trying in vain to restrain us before giving up and laughing along with us.

I remember her fiercely advocating for her boys at every parent teacher conference, even when, objectively, we were probably being little twits. But she wanted us to have every opportunity that life could possibly offer us, and she was determined that everyone should see the sides of her boys that she could see.

Most importantly, I remember the lengths she went to for her family, because mum taught us that family is the most important gift you could ever have. She showed us this when we were very young, taking us at every opportunity to family all over the country. While I didn´t appreciate it then, it isn´t that common for families to be as tight as ours is. But mum made sure that we understood that. And she made sure that when Tom met Liv and I brought home Kate, that they understood that there were part of the family too. They were the daughters she never had, and she loved them just as fiercely as she did Tom and I. And when she met her first granddaughter Ava, her heart went positively supernova. Tom initially tried to restrain "turbo granny", but in the end he just gave up. That is just who she was, family meant everything.

For Pat and Howard, it was different again. If ever there was such a thing as a soulmate, then Pat and Howard were it. Engaged in six weeks, married in six months, together for 44 years. A friend once said to me that he found it hilarious that Howard, a 6-foot unit of a man was absolutely terrified of Pat. I laughed then because I saw some truth to it. But it wasn´t until I grew older that I understood the real truth. Pat and Howard had the measure of each other. When one waxed, the other waned. They knew each other deeply and loved each other fully. They weren´t big on public displays of affection, but as Kate once commented to me, it was when they thought nobody was looking that you really saw it shine through. It was the little touches, the cuddles, and the sparkle in their eyes when they talked to each other, that said it all.

Even though Mum was outnumbered for all of our family´s life by her three boys, all of whom are unique and interesting personalities, the truth was she was the rock our family was built on. She was the one who kept us grounded. She was our safe space. And when she got sick, she displayed a grace and a dignity that I don´t think she even appreciated. A lot of us just lost our heads, unable to cope with the magnitude of it. But she was just worried about us, her boys. We, however, were in absolutely in awe of her. Once again, this little lady was holding the family together.

So as incredibly devastated as we all are, we are also so incredibly grateful for the time that we did have. Loving Pat, and being loved by her, made us all better men. And we will always be incredibly grateful for that.

On the day mum passed away, I sent her a message, even though I knew she would never read it. I said that I hoped she was proud of me. That she knew how much I loved her, and how grateful I was to have her as my mum.

I would like to amend that today though. I would like to say I hope she knew and understood just how proud we were, and are, of her. How much we love her to pieces. And how, as one of her favourite authors, A.A Milne noted, sometimes it is the littlest things that take up the most room in your heart.